Welcome to the Table of Contents for Multiple Sclerosis Sucks. Here you'll see a short description of each section so you can avoid any that might make you feel uncomfortable. Some sections are written for fellow MS sufferers, some for their caregivers, some for their families and friends. Some are written for my family and friends. Some are written especially for the shallower people with whom I have the misfortune to work, and some are just written for random jerks who surf into this website with their minds tight shut. And some are just written for therapy. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Part 1: Getting to Know Me

If you're here wondering whether you've got MS, you'll want to pay attention to this section. On the other hand, if you're an MS veteran you'll probably want to skip it. Yadda, yadda, yadda... this is MS... yadda, yadda, yadda... he's being a bit of a Drama Queen about it... yadda, yadda, yadda. Whatever. Let's get through this stuff and get to the Good Bits.

1. What is MS?: In case you've never heard of MS, read this short synopsis. If you're only going to read one thing in this list, this is the one I recommend.
2. How Do I Know I Have MS?: Some people with MS have trouble getting a diagnosis. As Gollum might say, it's a tricksy disease. So, knowing me for the skeptic that I am, how can I be sure I really have it?
3. A Long and Puzzling Illness: Most MS patients tell the same story of repeated visits to a doctor with tales of weird symptoms. Here's my version.
4. Crisis Point: Again, my version of a common story - when things got too bad for the doctor to ignore.
5. Current Symptoms: In case you're experiencing weird symptoms and think you might have MS, here's what I feel now. Skip this if you're not really interested. It's probably going to be really boring unless you think you might have MS, in which case you'll want to read it carefully.
6. Hindsight is 20/20: A retrospective. I shoulda known better. So should you.

Part 2: Living with MS

Here's where the fun begins. How do I live with this damn disease? Comedy and tragedy, that's how.

7. A Taxonomy of Friends and Family (and Other Animals): A tongue-in-cheek description of some of the strategies that my friends, family, and coworkers use to not cope with my disease.
8. A Taxonomy of Online Forum Users: A tongue-in-cheek look at some of the stereotypes that people who frequent online forums sometimes inadvertantly fall into.
9. A Taxonomy of Online Forum Postings: While we're on a roll, yet another taxonomy. This time, some of the dumb things people post on forums before they stop to think. Duh!
10. The MS Perspective Kit: How to help anybody with a recessive empathy gene get the right perspective.
11. The Beer Theory: A parody of the Spoon Theory for guys.
12. The Guy Thing: Men don't get MS as much as women. So what's up with that?
13. MS and Work: I'm the primary breadwinner in my family. So what about this Americans with Disabilities Act? Can it really force people at work not to be jerks?
14. How a Scientist Thinks: To keep up with the latest in medical research on MS, you should at least spare a thought or two for what scientists call the Scientific Method.
15. Statistics: Math phobic? Grit your teeth and learn two important facts about statistics. You'll need this when you read the latest MS research results.
16. You Be the Research Scientist: Find out first-hand how a research scientist feels when the research is done and the numbers are in.
17. MS and the Media: Is there such a thing as a "no spin zone"?
18. How the Media Portrays Us: If I see another uplifting article, I'm going to barf.
19. Interferon with My Lifestyle: How MS drugs affect my lifestyle, and the use of cellphone contracts and ice cream as a metaphorical device.
20. But You Look So Good: What to say when you hear one of those trite MS aphorisms.
21. The Medical Profession (Physician Heel, Thyself): Like it or not, MS patients are going to be getting real familiar with doctors' waiting rooms.
22. Religion and Philosophy: Ooh. A deep one. Skip this section if you are easily offended.
23. Health, Diet, and Exercise: Dammit, I was doing the right thing. How could I possibly be this sick? And will it shorten my life?
24. Alternative Medicine: How to react to people who claim to be able to cure your MS using grape seed extract or tuning forks.
25. The Semiotics of Chronic Illness: Mobility aids and the signals they send out.
26. When Life Gives You Lemons: To quote Johnny Storm, "Flame ON".
27. Electrickery: More aphorisms, and electroshock therapy for MS.
28. Talking Honestly About Death: How do people die from MS? And what does it really mean to die from "complications of MS"?
29. Suicide is Painful: I'd have to be crazy not to be depressed. So don't give me a lot of hogwash about keeping a positive attitude.
30. Fatigue: Fatigue, its possible causes in MS, and its suitability for use in Illness Poker.
31. Swim Parallel to Shore: What to do when caught in one of life's rip currents, and the many uses of mirror-lensed sunglasses.
32. Demotivation Posters: Some demotivational posters for this website. Create your own at despair.com.
33. Rattus Rattus: Rats as a metaphor for MS, and the advisability of using hollow point bullets around kerosine tanks.
34. Coping with Adversity in an Epistemologically Fractal Universe: The tale of the Red Beetle, the Blue Beetle, the Cyan Fern Leaf of Life, and the Great Earwig.
35. Just Duckie: The tale of the yellow duck, the platypuses, and the Little Sister.

Part 3: Stories of the Way

Stories of the Way are little folk tales each containing a nugget or two of Buddhist wisdom. They're too long and too shallow to be considered koan, but they are entertaining and they contain useful messages for people with MS. Although they are well-known stories of the genre for which I claim no credit, I've retold them in my own words.

36. Stories of the Way 1: Negative Emotions: Lessons drawn from Miyamoto Musashi, the greatest swordsman of all time, and his encounter with Gonnesuke.
37. Stories of the Way 2: The Cryptomeria Tree: Musashi meets Takuan and gets into a pickle.
38. Stories of the Way 3: Rice with Raisins: Another food-oriented story about Musashi. This time he's not being a Drama Queen. (New in May 2008)
39. Stories of the Way 4: The Apprentice: The story of the Eager Apprentice. (New in June 2008)
40. Stories of the Way 5: The Tea Master: The story of the Tea Master and the samurai. (New in August 2008)

Part 4: Wrapping it Up

Now what? OK, just a few details to tidy up before we leave. We're being serious again. Well, mostly.

41. New Year's Resolutions: MS has changed my life. Well, duh! Being realistic, how would I like to change myself to cope better? New Year's is the traditional time for navel-gazing after all.
42. Now What?: Where to go next, assuming that what you've read here isn't enough to make you suck your thumb and adopt the fetal position.
43. Really Now What?: No really, what could possibly be next? Details of the Multiple Sclerosis Sucks RSS feed, MySpace Page, guestbook, and company store.
44. About the Author: Information about the author and owner of this website, including contact information.